I still find myself reflecting on all the change, transformation and challenges of the last 12 months.

It was a years of exciting firsts. I made more money in my businesses than I any previous years of being a midwife and running my Wellness Studio. My son went school for the first time, my daughter got her first car. I’ve met a supported the most amazing clients this year that taught me about the peace that can be created in birth and on this planet.

A year of endings. My step-father passed away, the partnership with my friend and co-founder of Calyx dissolved (for business purposes), a fire took our family garage and workshop taking with it my husbands lifetime collection of tools and handy work as well as parts of our kitchen remodel that was underway. Of course, other relatives and childhood friends left the earth plane this year too effecting my parents and friends more deeply as well.

A year of challenges. I had a traumatic pregnancy loss that end with hemorrhaging for 6 weeks. I had moments of feeling close to death mentally and physically. I continued to attend to my beautiful clients - in this busy year of births and expansion. I am amazed that I really was able to function during those weeks. When I finally did some lab work and started caring for my body, I was at the low point of being eligible for a blood transfusion due to the low hemoglobin and iron saturation status.

I’m reflecting on these things, as you might imagine, because I’m still a bit in shock and recovery from these events. All of this has not fully integrated by any means. I sit here in and out of tears and sadness and gratitude as I write.

I feel my health returning, thanks to my dedicated friend and nurse practitioner, April Bullock. I took my herbs again and supplements, and just like magic within a week I could carry my heavy bag to the car again with out getting winded. Weeks later I’m steadily improving and feel my normal self emerging again.

As a result of ending, of course, new beginnings unfold.

On the home front, we’ve of course had to adjust our normal flow of life. on our 12 acre homestead, we use a garage and workshop like it’s a a job. We have a mini farm with chickens, donkeys, gardens and pets and of course our home that’s been in re-model and construction for years. We Caring for this often requires the standard things, like home and fence repairs, new pens, new garden beds, to trenches dug, etcetera, all which require the tools and supplies we stored in the garage/workshop.

So it took some adjusting and grief and now we are feeling like we can move forward with awareness that change is probably good. We did have insurance that will allow us to rebuild and coup some of the losses. Thanks capitalism. (see gratitude)

As I move forward in this renewed body and mind, I’m wondering how to deepen the stillness and slowness in my life. I crave some deliberate and intentional peace, downtime and a solid foundation in my business and work.

As a practicing midwife, there’s always expected flow, let’s call it, the need to drop things and run, the expectation of the unexpected and unforeseen…but I belief in the power of our creative capacity, and I make in my mission to help women cultivate peace and empowerment in their pregnancy and birth. I want more of this.

I want a community of women find peace and empowerment so we as midwifes feel calm and confident that we’ve don’t have to save anyone from themselves at their birth.

Birth is a sacred transition. It’s also the culmination of inner work and the joining of 2 souls to bring in a 3rd. It’s a complex but completely normal dance of life and love and humanity.

We can bring reverence to this and also feel the complete resonance within our body that “birth is normal” and there’s nothing to fear when walking into these moments.

I share this reflection here, because I know many of us have experience the toughest parts of our lives in the last 4 years. I hear this from clients. I also witness the resiliency and courage to continue on and even pursue the growth that comes in these times.

I’m going deeper into my own healing and spiritual path as a result of this past year. It feels natural.

What are you reflecting on?